I’m going to another teacher interview tomorrow. Normally the thought of these, because of the results in the past, sends me into such huge cases of nerves that by the time I drive up my Pumped Up! music doesn’t even help. Hell, I have only told about three people about the ten last interviews because there’s always that shame afterwards. No, I haven’t heard anything. Yes, I’m really that unwanted.
<rant> And it makes me really really angry to know that people who have no clue what they’re doing get hired. Frustrated even when I know that I would be going that extra mile for those students and all they ever do is party in their free time. When my creativity and passion, my need to reach the students are pushed aside in preference to the teacher that barely passed the certification tests. And, yes, it really bugs me that this whole process has made me this judgmental and hateful. I know that.</rant>
That said, the past month since I got the lowly retail job that I have has been one of best months since I graduated college. Don’t get me wrong; retail hasn’t opened up so many doors for me that life is great. But I’m not a nervous wreck. I’m not crying everyday. My mind isn’t so clogged with junk that I actually have this really great project going on that I promised I wouldn’t mention in this post so I’ll sidestep now.
If I get the job, great. If I don’t, whatever. I don’t want to go back to being the person I was a month ago. I have plans outside of my degree and things that are fulfilling me (sidestep).
I’ve noticed that the more things I go through and grow from, the more of a “whatever” attitude I have about things. Yeah, I’ve been through that, but it isn’t worth getting upset over anymore. Or yeah, been there! but I know how to deal with it now so I can get through it easier. Wanda Sykes once did a skit on this (I don’t give a F!) feeling; go youtube it if you’re old enough for Wanda Sykes skits. It’s strange knowing I’m at the age where I’m starting to relate.